So, I have a lot of catching up to do. It's been a rough week.

This is Bump at 5 weeks! Baby is growing well. But we didn't see a heart beat :-( They said maybe next week. But, at this point things are looking up and they are happy with the progress that we are making. The baby is measuring about 5 weeks 3 days give or take a day or two (we may not be as far along as we thought, buy who knows?) Tomorrow Wend. we go back in for more blood work.

Wend. Chris had to work this morning so it was the first time that I've gone into the Dr's office by myself. Blood work came back great! Levels are up to about 6300. Everything seems to be going well level look good and they tell me I don't have to do any more blood tests. :-) We are so very excited and after we see the heart beat next Tuesday... we should be all clear.

Tuesday September 22, 2009

And then the bad news comes. On the sonogram... we still don't see a heart beat, and they won't tell us much. The shape has changed completely and the way the tech sounds not so good. Nurse comes in and says that she is sorry... the baby has stopped growing and the yolk sack is collapsing. Bump didn't make it. The Dr went ahead and did another blood test to see what is happening with the hormone levels. But, What can we say? Our hearts is breaking. We both wanted Bump very much. We weren't expecting this kind of news. I'm still having signs of being pregnant. I get nauseous when I'm hungry or any time after I eat. My breast aren't hurting as much, but still a pain in the bum :-). We are doing as well as can be expected, telling everyone is the hard part. There isn't really anything anyone can say to make things better. Everyone says everything happens for a reason. I believe that, but I don't know that it made me feel any better. At this point I/we just need time...

Thursday, Well yesterday I completely forgot to call in for the results... I'm a goober, that or I just didn't want to deal with reality. So, I called today. Dr called back and said we needed to talk. The levels came back and they are still going up, but they are NOT where they are supposed to be by any means. The blood test show the levels that should have been 3 days from the last blood test not a week later. I asked if it was possible to go out of town for the weekend to Niagara Falls, she says we can but to be extra careful and map out the hospitals along the way. ( Not going to happen now :-( ) So, then we get down to business. She tells us that I will more than likely not go through with the miscarriage because it looks like I've had a chemical pregnancy...

this is a part of an explanation from

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/onetimemiscarriages/p/chemicalpreg.htm

A chemical pregnancy is like a cruel joke. You take an early pregnancy test around the time your period is due that shows a faint positive. Naturally, you get excited and start spreading the joyful news that you're expecting. Then, a few days later you get your period and the doctor says, "It was just a chemical pregnancy."

Meanwhile, you're left confused and possibly devastated. The term chemical pregnancy sounds like a false positive pregnancy test, as if you were not really pregnant at all. But the truth is that a chemical pregnancy was indeed a conception and is actually a very early miscarriage.

What Chemical Pregnancy Means:

The term chemical pregnancy means that the miscarriage happened at a point that a missed period and biochemical tests, such as an hCG blood test or a home pregnancy test (checking hCG in urine), were the only evidence that you were pregnant. The miscarriage happened before an ultrasound could have shown a gestational sac.

When the pregnancy develops to the point that ultrasound could confirm the existence of the pregnancy, the term becomes clinical pregnancy. Thus, a chemical pregnancy would be a miscarriage before the fifth week of gestation -- or within about week after your missed menstrual period

This is just about what happened to us, but we just found out we were pregnant when we were about 3 weeks along, earlier than most...

So, we are taking the Dr's advice and going ahead and scheduling the D&C. It is a very hard decision for us/me to make. Both, Hubby and I are very pro life. Coming to terms that Bump isn't alive at this point isn't easy. I think that anyone in my position would always have the faint thought/hope in the back of their head that maybe it was a mistake and the baby is just slow growing, or not as for along as we originally thought. The hope that this isn't happening.

Anyways, we are going thru with the procedure. As hard as this is, we understand that this is what the Dr thinks is best for my health, and even the health of future children what we will have. The D&C is a way to make sure that I'm clean, healthy, and in the best position to continue our journey to becoming parents.

We will forever hold Bump in our hearts. And one day we will get to hold our tiny Bump. God gave us Bump for 5 weeks and a few extra days.

As my Mom said, "6 weeks isn't long, unless it's yours.... and then it's a lifetime."

So, for now it helps my heart knowing that it is in God's loving arms and that God is watching over our family.

My Angel Baby

To the baby that I carried
But never seen your eyes
Or tell you how much I loved you
Or ever to hear your cries.

You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for your coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was numbing.
My angel baby is who you are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.

(c) Lori Jager All Rights Reserved